Saturday, January 6

I ALMOST THREW UP ALL OVER MYSELF




So I was riding the bus. (Yes, I ride the bus sometimes. I'd like to say I do it for purely environmental reasons, which I do, partly, but it's really because I'm a scary driver.)

The bus is crowded, so I have to sit in one of those aisle bench seats, the kind where you're directly facing the person across the aisle from you. I hate those seats. I never know where to rest my eyes.

There is a man sitting across the aisle. As I'm trying to gaze out of the little sliver of window within view behind his head, I notice his hand keeps moving across his face in a strange mannner. And see, this is where I make my mistake. Oh yes, I looked.

The man was pulling long, stringy BOOGERS from his nose. Then he would alternate between PLACING them on his tongue and RUBBING them on is lips, like some sort of lip balm.

I swear I almost threw up on myself.

I start wildly looking around, trying to catch someone's eye, to see if they have witnessed any of this disgusting display. But nope, they were all smarter than I. They didn't look.

And here's the crazy part- I kept looking. It was like a train wreck, or when a customer at the Restarante spills something on their shirt and they don't know it, or when I'm at the bar and the drunken couple in the booth next to me start humping: I can't turn my eyes away. Even though it makes me physically ill. Even though every fiber of my being wants to stop watching. Even though I want to gouge out my eyeballs with my bare hands.

So if any of y'all are ever on the bus, the subway or any form of public transportation, remember: DON'T LOOK.

You'll be glad you didn't.

No comments:

Powered By Blogger